No Name

I have always felt trapped in my own home. That is ever so litteral. Where some people are out an about with friends or a job Im stuck here in Queens. I dont like my clothes so I ask to go shopping. Mind you the last time I went shopping I 2 pairs of jeans and a sweater...wowness I know right, what a wardrobe.

Im not a big clothes shopper, but Im so sick of having to wear the same thing over and over. Take into mind I have had the same wardsrobe since the 6th grade...Clothes that I;ve had for years are still here. Meanwhile my mother is shopping for her TRIP TO VEGAS??????

Now this is my question...She tells me, "Oh money is tight." But your planning a whole trip to vegas on what...Thin air?

I havent gone anywhere except that senior trip an that was all the way in March. But since the time I was in High school my mother has gone on more vacations then anyone I know. A cruise, trip to Jamaica, Trips all over the god damn place and the most out of the way place I've been to was P.R. and take into mind that was almost 5 years ago. Im so sick an tired of here being such a hippocrit. She spouts off we have to spend money wisely. How about my college fund huh? Never got started on that dear old mom. Never had an account stashed off somewhere where normal people would save off for a kids college.

Because apparently I went to a private school they have no money left over for college so instead of going to the colleges that have accepted me I have to go to BMCC...Now I dont mind this at all, but the fact that she never saved money for me to go anywhere else but one place is killing me. She said, "Well we were counting on your grades to get you a scholarship."


All the parents out there....WHO SAYS THAT TO A KID???

I personally wanna know who says that to a kid, if you do I know your kid probably hates you and resents you as fuckin much as I hate both my parents right now. I have an average of a 75...a 2.0...a C student and you know what Im happy with that. Some people would dream of that one let me tell you, especially people from my school. Now Im sitting here tring to keep my controle about me so that I dont punch another hole in the walls of my room. But I have to get out of here. Nothing is worse than feeling trapped in your own home, nothing is worse than feeling you have no control over your life and everyone else wants to take a peice of you with them no matter how hard you try to fight.

I just want to define myself. Every teen wants to. Im 18 years old, dress still like Im a 13 year old in horrible clothes and horrible hair. My mother is an oversensitive, control freak who finds nothing better than to show how the world can smile to your face and at the same time stab u in the gut. My father that is an immature asshole who puts on airs and throws a temper tantrum whenever something doesnt go his way. My brother the gluttonouse pig who thinks hes older than me when in fact I am his elder by six years. They need a reality check that Im not always gonne be here to take the bullshit from them and the minute that sinks in then maybe just maybe I can talk to them on a real level. Till then Im sittin on the floor with my trusty laptop mini writing my words to how I feel. :) What fun


see ya around...