"If you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all"

I find this rich in irony. The minute I ask for something it is given to me, and I appreciate that. BUT It is held over my head. The minute I say something against my parents or to them they pull up EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. "Remember that ipod for xmas, remember that LIRR pass every month, remember that laptop mini last yr, remember the money I give you every month for lunch." I know you do these things but I do not need to be reminded of it. Makes me feel like crap and it makes you look like a class A act for estrangment.

Now here is where the wonderful drama kicks into high gear. Today I went to Manhattan to see a show. The show was great but I had this chick that kept clinging onto me. Was a bit irratated when I got back, I was reminded I was going back which did me in. I hate my home as you all by now undoubtedly know. Not like Im abused, not like im beaten, its just I hate these four walls. A house is not a home when you slowly begin to despise the walls that keep the rest of the world out. When you start hating the people in those walls is when you need to GO!

But still the drama up ahead

Now as I get in the car my brother is bitching hard about not going to the movies. We are supposed to see a movie I guess (my fathers bday...mind you I hate the bastard with every fiber of my being.) I completly space an dont tell him a happy bday.....my bro works on my nerves so hard I snap at him an tell him hes an idget. Mom turns to me an says stop being so high an mighty hes only 12.... Thats right the boy is 12, so he shouldnt be acting like a 5 yr old. My parents have spoiled him since he was about 3 monthes old, and now its waaay to late to break him of his habits. That rubs me the wrong way, I say Im not being high an mighty Im stating the facts he needs to stop. If my mother wasnt half brain dead from dealing with my father she would see it.

Now I get home and leave them (mom an dad) in the car cuz they love sittin out there in the dark. Me personally I hate sitting out there get out my keys walk in an lock the door...They come in an I am laying down.

Mother comes in, "Did you wish your father a happy bday?"
"No"
"Go wish him a happy bday"

walk into his room after I change and look in. Hes watching tv (looking his brain dead self, dont even aknowledge i came in an I noe he heard me an saw me cuz my mom asked me what in her usually High and Mighty tone, talk about irony)

"Dad?"

I assume he is zoned out on tv so I wait a while for a commercial. Facial expression does not change so I take it hes mad at something. Automatic responce to anger: GET OUT NOW! With my father he throws a temper tantrum if he doesnt get his way. I already have to deal with his son on a daily basis, no need for me to be pained by him. I walk away...moments later

Mom: You know if you dont say something from the heart dont say it at all
me: Fine
Mom: He does a lot for you you know
me: Like what?
Mom: For your bday he called ur grandma asking if she will come an cousins, got you that cake

I wanted to laugh....One my grandma always comes on my bday duh! I called her a few days prior an asked her an my cousins. Next, my dad asked his mother to get him a peice of cake cuz he didnt even eat the cake he got me or the red velvet cake cuz he didnt like it...how much of a bitch do u have to be to pull a stunt like that? Let me tell you a pretty big one.

And to top it off, I DONT LIKE MY FATHER. I have never been daddys little girl cuz at an early age I saw he was an asshole with nothing better to do then to piss other people off. He always wanted a boy, and that hung as a reminder that he is a sexist bastard. When I struck out as a kid I was met with greif everywhere I went. So I always resented him with a passion. This year I can safely say my father is dead to me. The minute he put his hands on me a few months back (not something I forget) I swore that bastard was dead to me, an that will never change. My mother I can forgive, my brother is turning into my father so idk yet about him if he doesnt change soon i really doubt it.

And if Im to stay here for another 2 years I have a plan, move the hell out. No way am I staying here in this house for another 2 years without telling someone off. And by my 3rd year if I dont have a place I plan on moving in with a freind. I cant take this for another 4 years. I've waited for college all my life to be free and be my own person. Live life like I want and be free, im not saying party, just the little things

I wanna come home an their will be food in the fridge I saw this morning instead of empty bottles and wrappers.
There wont be clothes tossed everywhere
Loads of laundry that could kill someone
bathrooms that are beyond disgusting
A tv that never shuts off
and maybe just maybe a break from the bodique music. Im hispanic yes but damnit Ive had enough please. Cant we play something new? Like some Beethoven (excuse misspellings, I am a bit angry) I adore classic music, but no one else in my entire fam does. Idk why Im so diffrent from everyone else and somethimes I see it as a hinderance. But then again if I was as ignroant as my father or as high and mighty as my mother id be just like them...i shudder to think about that.