I want to lead my life

Is it so difficult to lead my own life. my mother is intent on running things the way she wants. Why cant it be the road that i want to choose? I got accepted to a college, 2 in fact. my mother refuses me to go, not for the money or anything but its to far. an hour is to far for her, i can understand 4 hours, but sometimes the bird has to fly from the nest. All my life I have had to live by the strict ruling of my parents. No you cant go to so an SOs birthday party, no you cant go trick or treating, no you can call or see this person. Now its my turn and time to be on my own and they still wont let me even choose the path I want. Take for instance my career choice. I want to be a music teacher or just a straight up elementary school teacher. I love little kids and get along with them so well. I love English and adore music, I think I would be an awesome teacher. The minute I said it out loud to my mother and father they flipped out. My dad suggested I work for sanitation, they make more money than teachers. Is our society so shallow that all we care about is that soul dollar? Are we that inept to people and what their wants are that we choose to live our lives threw them. My father never finished HS, but in yet he has the nerve to scold me when I get a 75. You have to be in the right standings to critique someone.

I have never seen my parents as parents. They to me have always been a problem that being their child I have to deal with. not for long mind you, but the BS they pull is a bit much. not only am I as their daughter, to show respect and never get it back. But also I am to succumb to their whim. So say I have plans, and they want me somewhere. Doesn't matter if I told them in advance, doesn't matter if I wasn't warned I am to drop everything and do as I am told. And for the last 10 years I have been doing so. I haven't complained I haven't gripped like most teens would have done. I don't leave the house on a weekend, i never go out, and I only speak to friends on Internet or at school. i have never snuck out and I have never been with a guy in my life. but in yet i am held in a ivory tower where the only way to communicate with the outside world is this laptop. After a while YOU GO A LITTLE NUTS!!!!! Now its my time, my time to seek the world, to travel to explore and to seek out my own destiny. What do i get? A slap in the face, and basically no respect for it.

I know my mother was lying to me when she said we didn't have the money for this college. 1, she makes more than 100 G. 2, She keeps changing her story up every time. first it was because of my brother, being that he failed school again and will be in the 5Th grade another year he needs sylvan. THE BOY NEEDS RITALIN! Next shes talking about distance, shes such a 2 face liar. I wish she would just come out an say what she wants to say, instead she beats around the bush expecting me to take whatever it is shes peddling and swallow that down. No more of this. I am threw with the chauvinistic lifestyle I NEVER PICKED! How is it that people think that they can buy their way into a child's heart and expect them to be happy 24/7. I do believe my parents spoiled my brother for the worst. He will be a 50 year old virgin for sure, living with them forever until they die, but me...no...I have dreams I have plans i have goal unlike him. I want more out of life then just to have a place in NY and have a few kids, I want success I want achievement and here In Queens I am not gonna get it.

Now I'm stressing. Stressing to find a job for the summer or 2. Stressing for scholarships cause I am going to my college choice weather they like it or not. And stressing about school now and my love life. I just wanna live, is that so hard to ask for? I'm not asking for the extravagant life, like living on 5Th ave sipping highballs at local clubs...no...I just wanna have my own, be my own and look like my own without leering eyes at the back of my head and people telling me what i should or should not do. I have had enough, a decade of being told which direction i should go in without my consent is enough to deal with. I know plenty of people who would have just gone buck wild the minute they are confronted with my kind of life. This I kid you not. Even the rare friends that have seen my home life look at me in pity. I know it could be worse, but it could be a million times better if my parents would just let me live my life and make my own mistakes instead of scaring me to pieces on the mistakes that others make. All the while making me fearful of the world and curl up in a little ball. Deep down I suppose that's what they wanted, and its fucked up and sad.